Direct Intervention
Buddies
Buddies are paired together according to their strengths and weaknesses, similarities and differences. The buddies meet once a week for an hour to feel into and presence issues that concern them most.
As we take turns, the listener pauses the speaker when something sounds off or reactive and asks the speaker, “What are you feeling right now?” This invitation to pause and reflect provides the speaker with the safe space to explore and discover what’s really behind her reaction.
At first this is done under the guidance of Ronit, as she trains us to develop deep listening, to recognize these conditioned patterns, intercept them as they occur and to discern and respond to what is really going on. When we demonstrate sufficient ability to navigate on our own, Ronit steps back and periodically checks in on our buddy channel in the Garden of We App.
The purpose of the buddy system is to cultivate and reinforce the following new capacities:
Intimacy
The buddy relationships foster consistent vulnerability, authenticity and trust, particularly when the buddies are from different races, ages, religions and/or socioeconomic stratas.
Presence
Showing up in each moment fully present helps us listen to and be with each other more consciously.
Humility
As we discover our own unconscious mechanisms, we become more curious about each other’s perspectives. We drop the all knowing mentality and seek to learn and understand ourselves and life from a humble space. We learn how to let go of what we think or believe to be true. We become more open to receive each other’s perspectives and wisdom.
Inner Work
We work at our edge, continually revealing and challenging our fears and perceived limitations. We learn to tenderly hold more of our pain, while embracing our light – being with and accepting our wholeness.
Capacity to Consciously Communicate
Cultivating our listening and reflecting skills requires that we pick up nonverbal and subtle cues: noticing shifts in facial expression or body posture, noticing when the tone of voice doesn’t match the emotion; observing when the speaker’s energy of expression comes from their head (intellect vs. their heart); we learn to discern when we are projecting our own “schmootz.”
Accountability
We end our sessions by identifying tangible steps to work on during the week. We hold each other accountable by staying connected and sharing our feelings and progress between our sessions. This practice allows us to catch more often when our thoughts/stories revert back, intercept them by Pausing, reflecting and then shifting.
At appropriate times, buddy pairing changes to expand the members’ capacity for intimacy in diversity. Our support increases our self awareness and strengthens our emotional and relational muscles.
Watch the Video
Experience a Buddy Chat
Experience Anna & Rafe ~ 12 Minutes
In their Buddy Chat, Anna shares with Rafe how deeply she admires her father as her shining example of what it means to be a good adult, and how she wishes for his validation. Through the share she discovers that what she really needs is self-respect and self-love. She recognizes that her own inner critic is an internalized voice of the standard her father has set, which is running her emotions and shaping her reality as an adult. Anna shared this video with her Dad, coincidentally just after Father’s Day. It deepened their relationship beyond what either could imagine.