Eric Rassman

       Thirteen years ago I met Ronit as my caricature – 34 year old Mr. Perfect – confident, smart, and saving the world with his social enterprises, “money for good” schemes, communities, and advice.  He was the only person with problem-free loving relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners, and was emotionally and spiritually superior.  He was VERY generous, and gave to all who needed it.  He was convincing, with many closest to him fooled by his charm, or repelled by it.

       Ronit saw through me, but did not judge.  Her clear soul, self-exploration, and integral studies of human nature led her to compassion for the suffering I was in but numb to.  She knew there was more than the deeply insecure Mr. Perfect, driven by countless fears, terrified to take risks, petrified of intimacy and vulnerability and with shallow relationships.  She saw beyond a man living in his head, avoiding excruciating pain.

       With no external reward, she invited me into a life beyond my caricature and pain.  Even when my fear led me to hurt her, she patiently held my hand as we unpacked the cause and effect of my life.  She helps me feel, in every cell of my body, the actions I take, why I take them, and the consequences that often lead me to chaos.  She teaches me a systematic way to instead make healthy choices, and does so with penetrating, disarming, unconditional Love.  Not cartoony love – chosen Love that challenges, is fierce and tender, and is inconvenient.

        Ronit invited me to co-create a community rooted in these principles.  She wove science and spirituality, many teachers, and lived wisdom into communal methods of transformation so holistic and tangible that my life is unrecognizable from my former Mr. Perfect self.  She trains me and us to live values, take responsibility for one another, and interrupt harmful ways of being, even when the intimacy and vulnerability of doing so feels unbearable.  She teaches us that healing happens in relationship, we need each other, and we are not alone.

       I now take responsibility for my life.  I’m no longer numb.  I feel myself and others deeply, experiencing sensitivity as my gift.  I’m no longer trapped by my fear of intimacy, and I seek loving, not co-dependent, relationships.  I’m honest with family and friends no matter the cost, and I no longer try to fix others out of my insecurities.  I have a choice to simply be present and caring.  Every meaningful relationship has healed in “impossible” ways – from falling back in love with cousins and an aunt after 20 years of silence, to releasing anger and experiencing the true bond with siblings, to feeling my deceased parents with me, integrated in my life.

       I’m building a relationship with G-d, which helps me pursue work I care about that serves others, without clinging to being a “good person.”  I live with greater humility, clearer values, and a sense of purpose even when life feels chaotic.  I no longer define myself by my trauma, and I judge less, meeting others with compassion as I recognize myself in them.  I’m becoming generous.  I’m growing more confident, especially when I don’t know.

       Words can’t convey the depth of rigor and devotion Ronit and my community invest in me.  When reasonable people would walk away – after I repeatedly break trust, act like an asshole, or lie – they move closer.  That consistency helped me finally fight for, and start to love myself.  To connect to curiosity for life, and my intention, to thrive.  I’m only beginning to self-express, experience my creativity, and I have faith that I’m being guided into more.

       Over the years I pursued countless forms of meditation, bodywork, medicine, therapy, and cutting-edge theory.  Each has value.  But in isolation, they are as fragmented and ineffective as my caricature, Mr. Perfect.  The power of Ronit’s methodology is integration through community.  By uniting perspectives on human nature and working in concert on all aspects of life – like work, philanthropy, family, friends – enduring transformation is possible.